Fastest Man Alive With a Limp
by osadjsapomao
Summary: DRUMROLL! The FINALE is up! It’s Bruce and Diana’s wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it’s up to Flash to set everything right.
1. Get up, Wally

Title: Fastest Man Alive - With a Limp

Author: girlinterrupted

Summary: It's Bruce and Diana's wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it's up to Flash to set everything right.

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- Chapter 1 -

"Get up. You're late."

Wally groaned and put a pillow over his head, as a bright light penetrated through his closed eyes.

"A few more minutes…" he muffled through the pillow. Wait, what pillow? The cushion was wrenched from his hands within seconds. Wally reluctantly opened his eyes and saw that the curtains on the windows had been pulled wide open, as though to let in every ray of sunshine as possible.

"What time is it? Why are you in my room?" Wally asked, sitting up. Then, he realized they weren't even in the Watch Tower, but in a spacious, bright-coloured bedroom.

"Time to get up. You're late," Clark repeated. He was examining himself in Wally's mirror. The super suit had been replaced by a tuxedo, and the trademark hair curl was even curlier than usual.

"What's going on? Why are you dressed like that?" Wally asked, confused and sure his mind was playing tricks on him.

"That was a killer bachelor party last night," Clark said. "How much did you drink?"

"What? What bachelor party?"

"I guess that answers my question."

"I'm so confused," Wally said, rubbing his eyes. "Whose bachelor party did we attend, so to speak?"

"Bruce's, you nudnik. Although he didn't even show up. I guess that was sort of expected," Clark said, adjusting his bowtie.

"Bruce's? As in…Batman?" Wally asked, bewildered.

"No, Bruce as in Catwoman," Clark said, sarcastically, turning to face Wally, who was too confused to take in the sarcasm.

"Alright, I demand to know what's going on!" Wally said loudly, standing up. He knew his little outburst didn't scare the Man of Steel, who shot him a piercing look.

"You really need to lay off the booze. Today, Batman and Wonder Woman are getting married. You are part of the bridal party, as am I. So you'd better get ready fast because you're already an hour late," Clark explained, sounding out the words carefully and slowly.

"HUH?" Wally said, catching the whole explanation but hardly believing it. "Bruce is getting hooked with Diana? How come nobody told me?"

"Wally, are you okay? They've been planning this thing for months!" Clark said, now concerned, and approaching the pyjama-clad speedster.

"No, I'm not OK!" Wally protested, indignantly. "I don't recall anything to do with any wedding and especially one that involves Batman as the groom."

"Have you lost your memory? Wally, what is your alter-ego?"

"I haven't lost my memory, dummy! I know I'm the Flash and you're Superman and we're part of the Justice League. What I don't know is what the hell is going on right now!" Wally yelled. Just then, Alfred the butler came in to the room, wheeling a cart with him.

"Mr. West, since you didn't come down for breakfast, I took the liberty of bringing it up here for you. You'd better get ready, sir."

"So I'm in Wayne Manor, am I?" Wally asked.

"Yes, sir," Alfred replied. "If I may be so bold as to add that mixing vodka and tequila isn't the wisest choice."

"I wasn't drinking!" Wally exclaimed. "Alfred, is Bruce getting married to Wonder Woman?"

"I sure hope so, sir," Alfred said, giving Wally an odd look. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine!" Wally bellowed. Clark walked out of the room, shaking his head. Alfred followed him. Wally snorted, grumpily. He was just about to dive into the bacon and eggs when Clark re-entered, followed by J'onn, who was also dressed in a tux.

"Oh, what now?" Wally complained, putting down his knife and fork, knowing what the Martian was going to do.

"Stay calm. I'm just going to probe your brain."

J'onn put his hands on Wally's head and closed his eyes. A few moments later, he opened them and removed his hands.

"Well?" Clark asked.

"Everything's in order. I couldn't find anything out of the ordinary," J'onn spoke in his deep tone.

"So how come I can't seem to fathom that Bruce and Diana are getting married?" Wally asked, grabbing and sipping the glass of orange juice.

"You're probably just nervous. In a denial phase, or something like that," Clark suggested. "That tends to happen to people before big events. Unless…you don't approve of this wedding…"

"You're absolutely right, I don't!" Wally said, banging his fist onto the bed. "Maybe if I had known earlier, I'd come to understand. But now you're telling me that Bruce and Diana are suddenly getting married today, after no discussion or even prior mention of these plans."

"Should I get Bruce?" Clark asked, looking concernedly at Wally, but directing his question to the manhunter.

"He's busy enough as it is. I don't really think he'll care if Flash doesn't approve of their union." John had entered the room. He had watched the brain-probing.

"I'm getting out of here," Wally said, gobbling up the toast, and crossing his room to where his Flash costume lay crumpled. "Tell Bats I'm sorry I couldn't make it for the wedding because I came down with a severe case of something."

"Denial?" Clark muttered.

"Yeah. NO! I don't know. Just say I was throwing up because I mixed vodka and tequila," Wally suggested, thinking of Alfred's earlier comment.

"You can't back out! You're part of the bridal party!" Clark said.

"Since it was against my wishes, I can back out if I choose."

In a quick movement, his Flash suit was on and he zoomed out of the house.

"So…who wants to tell Bruce?" Clark said to the others, who backed off immediately.

Flash arrived at the Watch Tower and headed straight for the monitor room. He may have been in a different dimension, and he wanted to tell the League the weird moments he just experienced. To his great surprise, no Justice League members were even in the monitor womb. Instead, members of the Green Lantern Corps. gazed at him.

"Uh…okay…" Flash dashed out of there before he decided that he'd gone insane. Batman and Wonder Woman were preparing for nuptials today and the Green Lanterns had taken over the Watch Tower. Interesting.

"Flash! Thank goodness it's you!"

Flash jumped, startled at the yell. He turned around and was relieved to see Diana soaring towards him.

"Diana, am I glad to see you. What're the GLs doing in the monitor room? And you won't believe what I had to go through this morning—" Flash started.

"Someone stole my wedding dress!" Diana yelled, ignoring him. "You have to help me find it!"

"HUH?" Flash gaped for the second time in the morning. "You really are marrying Bats?"

"This is no time to joke, Flash! I'm getting married in two hours and I don't even have a dress!" Diana screamed, panic-stricken.

"Calm down! Ok, what does it look like?" Flash asked, not so calm himself.

"Um…let me see…IT'S A WEDDING DRESS, YOU IDIOT!" Diana bellowed at him. Flash swallowed. "Shayera's doing my hair so I can't do it. You'll have to!"

"Alright, alright. I'll find it. But, tell me this, how come you decided to marry Bats…and when?"

Diana gave a loud, irritated sound as she sped away.

"Women are crazy," Flash muttered to himself, as he zoomed to every room, nook, and corner of the Watch Tower, searching for a white gown. Finding nothing that matched the description of "A WEDDING DRESS, YOU IDIOT!", he went to the monitor room to see if the Lanterns knew anything about it.

**To be continued**

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A/n: This was originally going to be a one-shot, but it just got too long. Sorry about the cheesy title. I thoughtofmuch cheesier ones, though.

1) You got Flashed  
2)What the Flash is Going on!  
3) I like pie  
4) My Cat's Breath Smells like Catfood

I liked all of them. The first one didn't seem appropriate. The second one just popped into my head but it'sway to cheesy.Number three was what I felt at the time I wrote this, but I couldn't use it as a title, as it had nothing to do with my fic. The fourth one...well, who can argue with that? Maybe I should have used it...

Read and review!

-girlinterrupted


	2. Park your keister, meister

Title: Fastest Man Alive - With a Limp

Author: girlinterrupted

Summary: It's Bruce and Diana's wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it's up to Flash to set everything right

* * *

Replies to the reviews are below: 

**DianaRulz**: This is my first shot at comedy-based writing. Thanks for the review; I'm happy you found it funny.

**Gotham's** **Princess**: You know what, I now regret not using the title 'I like pie'. I really do like pie. Oh well, I got quality reviews anyhow, so I won't complain. Thanks for the review.

**balletangel19**: What makes you so sure that Flash is suffering from memory loss? I like the title "What the Flash is going on!" too. I think I'll use it as a chapter title. Thanks for the review.

**hawkgirl04**: Thank you, and thanks for the review.

**Trepverter**: Was I really that funny? Aw, thanks, heh heh. I liked the line about the wedding dress too, but my favourite is when Clark says, "How much did you drink?" "I guess that answers my question." Unfortunately, I don't think the second chapter will make you laugh as much for the first, but thank you.

**I'm too lazy to login now...:** Aw, at least you could've written your nickname, unless it's some complicated one or one that you can't remember (like mine...I can't remember which vowels are missing). Shayera doing someone's hair? You're about to see how that turns out. Thanks for the review.

**Luna**: You'll find out why Flash is like this, but not in this chapter. Thanks for the review.

**doc**-**trigger**: Why, thank you. I couldn't resist using the title I did; I've always loved that line. Poor Flash. Being called an idiot. By the end of this story, the League should be eating those words. Thanks for the review, I'm glad you like it.

**SLytheringurl650**: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for the review.

**Sufjan** **Tweedy**: Wow, everyone who reviewed this story really doesn't have a clue why Flash doesn't remember...I like it! Thanks for the review.

* * *

- Chapter 2 -

"For the thousandth time, I haven't seen a stupid wedding dress!" Katma shouted at him, without taking her eyes off the screen.

"I've only asked you once!" Flash protested.

"Well, Wonder Woman has asked me 999 times. I haven't seen it, ok!"

"Ok, ok! Don't have a cow," Flash said, frowning. "Why are you guys even here?"

"Somebody has to watch over Earth when the Justice League decides to throw a big celebration," Katma reasoned. "Stupid Earth inhabitants…all they do is party."

"Right," Flash said, rolling his eyes. "Anyways, can you tell me who has entered or left the Watch Tower in the past hour?"

"Kyle left for his break about ten minutes ago. J'onn was here early this morning, but he left as well. You came. Shayera left a few minutes before you arrived," Katma said, rubbing her chin.

"Wait a minute. Diana told me Shayera was doing her hair," Flash said, curiously.

"Now that is a bad decision on Diana's part," Katma sneered. "I don't know, maybe Shayera went to get more mousse. In any case, she hasn't returned."

Without another word, Flash zoomed off towards Wonder Woman's room, and entered it to see a very weird scene with her and the former Hawkgirl. Shayera was combing Diana's hair into a very weird hairstyle that was probably a Thanagarian wedding tradition. However, with every other movement, Diana would say, "OW!" and raise her arm against her head, pushing Shayera's hands away.

"Stop it, Diana! How do you except me to do your hair if you keep knocking my hands away!" Shayera grunted.

"I can't help it. Every time you poke my scalp, my reflexes come into action, which means my arms think something's trying to stab at my head, so they come up for protection. Nothing can penetrate through my bracelets, you know," Diana said, as-a-matter-of-factly, pushing Shayera's hands away.

"Oh, no! A hair comb is going to kill me!" Shayera said, mocking Diana, and trying to put the comb to use in vain. Wonder Woman noticed Flash's presence and jumped up, almost knocking Shayera backwards.

"Did you find it!" She asked, excited.

"If you mean am I closer to finding it, then, yes!" Flash said, ready to run out of the room in case Diana decided she didn't want him to be a living specimen anymore. However, she just sat back down, looking extremely glum.

"Shayera, when did you arrive at the Watch Tower?" Flash asked her.

"Last evening; I was here all night," she replied, looking at him curiously.

"Have you left, at all, since then?" He questioned. Shayera shook her head.

"AHA! That means that there was an imposter in the Watch Tower!" Flash said, excitedly.

"Huh? How do you know?" Diana asked, standing up again.

"Because I just spoke to Katma Tui and she said that she saw Shayera leaving right before I arrived."

"Now who would come into the Watch Tower and steal my dress, and then exit impersonating Shayera?" Diana asked, befuddled.

"Well, it had to be someone in the League, considering they got into the Watch Tower," Shayera concluded.

"Heh. About that…" Wonder Woman said, blushing innocently. "I, um, sort of misplaced my landing bay access pass. Bruce was helping me search for it for weeks, amidst all the wedding plans."

"Oh great, so it could be anyone," Flash said, indignantly. "And you two really are getting married?"

"Yes! Do you have a problem with that!" Diana snapped. "What I don't understand is how none of us saw this imposter when I was near my dress pretty much all the time."

"Well, when I went to put on my bridesmaid dress, and you went to grab some breakfast…that sort of left the dress by its lonesome," Shayera said, thoughfully. Diana clicked her tongue.

"I know! Let's look at the surveillance videos in the landing bay!" She said, jumping up excitedly.

"True," Shayera agreed, letting Flash lead the way back to the monitor womb. As they searched through the surveillance, Diana explained the story to Katma Tui.

"Hmpf. If there was an imposter, we would have spotted them," Katma growled. "We Green Lanterns make no mistakes."

"You Green Lanterns think you're so hot. I bet I could chop that ring off your finger with my mace," Shayera sneered, past rivalries in mind. Katma growled, but got ready to fight.

"Now this is the part where Wally starts enjoying himself," Flash mused. "Of course, if we added a little mud it would be even better…"

"Stop the tape!" Diana said, catching everyone's attention, seeing "Shayera" come into the landing bay.

"Wow, Flash is actually right for once," Shayera said, wide-eyed.

"Yup. Hey…what's that supposed to mean?" Flash said, folding his arms.

"My nose is not that big!" the real Shayera said, angrily, seeing the imposter's rendition of her.

"I wouldn't bet on it," Katma muttered. Shayera threw her a dirty look.

"She's wearing bracelets, just like yours, except gold," Flash pointed out to Diana.

"Great Hera; It's Aresia!" Wonder Woman gasped.

"Why would that man-hater want to steal your wedding dress?" Shayera said, remembering their incident together quite clearly.

"Oh, I remember that chick. She was hot. Too bad she tried to kill every male on Earth," Flash said, shrugging. "Should I have been turned-off? Because I definitely wasn't…"

"Maybe I made her angry by not inviting her to my wedding," Diana guessed. "But I'm confused. She made it so obvious that it was her by wearing her bracelets."

"She probably knew you would look at the surveillance videos. Perhaps she wants you to follow her," Katma suggested.

"There is no way I'm getting all sweaty right before my wedding," Diana said, folding her arms, "Even if it is for my wedding dress."

They all turned to look at Flash, who started to back away.

+

"Wait a minute, no men are allowed on Themyscara," Wally said, as Diana took off his mask in her room.

"Right: which is why we're dressing you up like a girl," Shayera said, grabbing a summer dress from Diana's closet and throwing it at him.

"I don't think so," Wally said, standing up, ready to take off.

"Sit. Down." Diana growled, much like her soon-to-be husband.

"Alright! Just because you're marrying the scariest man alive doesn't mean you have the right to act like him," Wally frowned, sitting down immediately. "I'd also like to point out that I don't approve of your wedding."

"You did before. You're probably just in some state of shock," Shayera said, sounding like Clark. She grabbed some lipstick off the make-up table and starting smearing it on Wally.

"Shock isn't the right word to use, it's more like freaked-out beyond belief. It's almost as worse as if Brainiac married Darkseid, or something."

"That would only be legal in Canada," Shayera said, picking the eye-liner.

"Diana, do even you know Bats enough to marry him?" Wally asked, sneezing from the amount of powder she put on his face. She paused to think.

"I know he gets rashes if he uses Old Spice deodorant," Diana said, quite serious.

"Alright, that is just disturbing."

Five minutes later, Wally was ready to go.

"You have to be the ugliest girl I've ever seen," Shayera examined him, trying to stifle a laugh.

"Hey, it's not my fault I wasn't able to shave this morning!" Wally protested, rubbing his stubbly chin. "And Shayera, you're a female; why don't you just go and grab the dress from Aresia?"

"Because I am the bridesmaid and I have to assist the bride in decorating herself," Shayera replied, making something up at the top of her head.

"Flash, here's a map of Themyscara that will lead you to where Aresia's tower is," Diana explained, handing it over to him. "Don't reveal your identity to her, whatever you do."

"Hey, I never tell anyone I'm the Flash," Wally said, frowning.

"I meant the fact that you're a man, you dope. Now hurry up, I'm getting married in one hour and I need my dress!"

Wally sighed. He had made a big mistake by leaving Wayne Manor this morning.

**To be continued**

* * *

A/n: Well, I hope you liked this chapter. I'm surprised I put it up so soon considering how little time I've had this past week. There might not be a another postuntil...next month! Vacation time...WOOH! I'm going to Rome, Florence, and Barcelona! WHEE!

Read and review!

-me


	3. Were you made in the brad pit

Title: Fastest Man Alive - With a Limp

Author: girlinterrupted

Summary: It's Bruce and Diana's wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it's up to Flash to set everything right.

Whoops, I forgot to add a disclaimer.  
I don't own Justice League...sniffle

* * *

Replies to the reviews are below: 

**Trepverter**: There! I updated it pretty fast. Please don't cry! Heh heh. Anyways, thanks for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying it.

**SLytheringurl650**: I'm happy you found it funny. Thanks for the review.

**Gotham's** **Princess**: Thanks! I love the Brainiac/Darkseid thing line too. I was afraid no one would understand it, but I'm glad you did. Thanks for the review!

**sokerfreek922**: Thank you.

**hawkgirl04**: Thank you.

**Skite**: Haha, I like your theories, but I'm not answering your questions because it might ruin the surprise. But, I'll answer your other ones : Wally is NOT in love with Diana. He does not approve of their wedding because he's not ready to accept the fact that Bats actually loves someone. That's all I can say. Thank you for the review!

**doc**-**trigger**: I pity him, too, but, hell, I'm the author and can do what I want with him (evil grin). Haha. I'd love to tell you why, but I'm afraid I can't. Thanks for the review, though!

**Icha** (2): I'm glad you're enjoying it. I can't tell you why he's like that. I haven't gone to Italy/Spain yet, though. I'm leaving tomorrow. I will update the fic as soon as I get back, though, guaranteed. Haha, you gotta love Bats. Thanks for the review.

**DianaRulz**: Yeah, I just HAD to use Aresia somewhere. Although she is not my favourite villain, I really like her. I'm happy you found it funny. Thanks for the review.

* * *

- Chapter 3 -

"Halt, intruder!"

"Dang it."

The two guards brandished their spears at Wally, as they saw "her" approaching. Wally was trying to move stealthily, but apparently nothing got by Amazonian guards.

"You are trespassing. You must die."

"WAIT! I come in peace. I am…Diana's close friend!" Wally improvised in an insincere female voice, holding up "her" hands. The two guards looked at each other.

"You are in acquaintance with her highness?" One asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Yes," Wally said, slowly lowering his hands. "She's a very good pal of mine."

"You are from Man's World?" The other asked, fiercely.

"Yes. Diana sent me to get some of her belongings, as she was very busy with some…important matters," Wally said, trying not to blush as he lied through his teeth.

"You are still trespassing. You must die." Apparently, Amazonians weren't much for negotiating, as they approached Wally menacingly.

"Hey, look; It's Brad Pitt!" Wally shouted, pointing behind them. When both guards turned to look, Wally took the opportunity to zoom off without them noticing. Turning back around, they shouted angrily at being fooled. As they resumed their post, the first guard, thinking of Wally, said, "They sure make them ugly on Man's World."

"What's a brad pit, anyways?"

"Must be where they make them."

Wally made it to the tower within seconds. He knocked on the front door, knowing it would only be in vain. Then, he pushed it open and sped towards the top of the tower.

"Aresia?" He said. No one was in the bedroom he entered. As he looked around, something gleaming on the ground caught his eye. Bending to pick it up, he realized it was one of her bracelets.

"You're not Diana," came a gruff voice that certainly wasn't that of a female. Wally turned around to face an extremely large man. He had black, curly hair, a large goatee and was wearing a black suit of armor.

"Dude, I remember you! That god from the underworld…"

"I am Lord Hades, you insignificant mortal."

"Riiight…Hades! The one who kept trying to…" Wally zoomed away as fire came out of Hades's mouth.

"…torch us," Wally finished.

"You are fast," Hades admitted, as Wally dodged all his fire blasts. "But Diana was a fool for sending you in her place."

"What do you want with her?" Wally asked, his mascara running from his excessive sweat.

"That is none of your concern, mortal. Actually, if I threatened to kill this one, you would get me what I want," Hades moved aside to reveal Aresia, bound and gagged, and struggling with all her might. However, Hades did not know that Wally could travel faster than the speed of light. Before he could blink, Wally had freed Aresia.

"I did not need your help," she growled at him.

"You sound like Bats…I mean, you're welcome," Wally said, quickly, remembering his womanly disguise, and dodging another fire blast from Hades.

"Where is Diana's wedding dress!" Wally asked her, ready to ditch the female voice as it was hurting his throat.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Aresia answered, looking at him angrily.

"She stole Diana's wedding dress under **my** control," Hades roared. "I did it to lure Diana here."

"Why?" Wally wondered.

"Because I wasn't invited to her wedding. I'm technically her father!" Hades yelled.

"YOU'RE her father!" Wally couldn't help but laugh. "Well, she certainly didn't get her good looks from you!"

"You dirty, filthy mortal!" Hades screamed, angrily.

"Hey, I'm not the one from hell!" Wally replied. "Diana doesn't like you, so deal with it. After what you did, I wouldn't like you either."

"What I did? You don't know the half—"

"Ok, enough talk. We can make this one hundred times easier if you just give me the dress now," Wally said, menacingly.

"I'll give it to you on one condition," Hades growled, menacingly.

* * *

"Did you get it!" 

Grinning, Flash held out the practically untouched, white wedding dress that must have cost at least a million dollars. With Bats' money, he wouldn't be surprised if it did cost that much. Wonder Woman praised the gods and grabbed it from him.

"Thank you, Flash. You've saved the day!"

"There is…a problem…"

"Oh, great. What, Aresia wants to be my maid of honor?" Wonder Woman said, putting the finishing touches on her make-up.

"Well, it wasn't really Aresia that stole it. She was under the command of Hades," Flash explained.

"That foul demon?" Shayera asked, punching her fist.

"What does he want?"

Flash paused for a moment.

"Spit it out!"

Flash tried not to laugh, but failed.

"He wants to be your flower girl...person…um…demon."

**To be continued

* * *

**

A/n: Yes, I know this chapter was sloppy, but I was in rush to post...going on vacation tomorrow. I think this is probably the worst chapter in my story, so please don't think I'm going downhill...perish the thought.

On a lighter not, I love you, reviewers. You made me feel really happy. Because of you, I updated my story as soon as I could. AND! I went for my driver's test and I passed! YAY! No more taking the bus everywhere! So, thank you! As soon as I come back from vacation, be ready to see another update!

Review!

From, me


	4. Men in Tights

Title: Fastest Man Alive - With a Limp

Author: girlinterrupted

Summary: It's Bruce and Diana's wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it's up to Flash to set everything right.

Whoops, I forgot to add a disclaimer.  
I don't own Justice League...sniffle

* * *

Replies to the reviews are here: 

**SLytheringurl650**: Thanks for the review.

**Trepverter**: LOL. I didn't even think about going THAT far as to make him wear it to the wedding...haha. That is, if there will be a wedding. That'd be hilarious, though. Thanks for the review!

**Skite**: What the hell is a brad pit! HAHA. Ask alllll the questions you want. I like seeing them, it's fun. However, the only question I can answer is the last one. Diana probably got permission to marry Bruce, but that's not really relevant to the outcome of the story, so that's why I'm answering it. Yeah, I don't like WW/Flash fics either. Thanks for the review!

**DianaRulz**: I'm so happy you found it funny. Thanks for the review.

**M**.: Thanks for the review. I'm glad you found it funny.

**Gotham's** **Princess**: Orly? As in, Orlando Bloom? No offense, but ew! Not that I like Brad Pitt that much, but still! Thanks for the review.

**balletangel19**: Ah, I didn't really feel like explaining how Hades got out of hell. You can call it laziness. I call it a plot apostrophe. Thanks for the review.

**doc**-**trigger**: I'm so happy you found it funny. I know the chapter was short, and I'm sorry, but thanks! And Thanks for the review!

**Icha**: I'm back now, heh heh. You'll find out what happens to Flash soon enough. Thanks for the review.

**Wolf-blades-wings**: Thanks for the review!

* * *

- Chapter 4 -

Flash arrived in Central City ten minutes after he let Hades into Diana's room. Hades wanted to be part of the wedding so badly, that he would even be the flower girl. Diana denied that he was her father. Personally, Flash didn't believe it himself. Nothing that ugly could make something that beautiful. But, then again, Diana wasn't created the "regular" way. Sucks to be Hippolyta.

Entering his cluttered apartment, he took off his mask and listened to the only message on his answering machine.

"Wally. This is John. We need you at Wayne Manor, right now. Get here as fast as you can…don't stop at Burger King on the way, this is pretty urgent."

Nothing was more urgent than satisfying his hunger. Wally groaned, put on his mask and zoomed out the door.

John, J'onn, Clark, and Bruce were all dressed in their tuxedos and waiting for Flash in the main foyer of the mansion.

"I told you already I am not going to be a part of this wedding."

Bruce suddenly lunged at him, grabbing him by the neck. He pinned Flash's front against the wall, twisting his arm behind him.

"OW!"

Flash was supposedly the fastest man in the world. Yet, Bruce grabbed him as though he was a tortoise.

"Is there anything the Batman couldn't do? Oh, that's right, he can't smile."

"I can't find—well, someone stole the wedding rings," John said, gravely. Bruce was looking peevish, but then again, he always looked like that. This time, however, he looked pale, as well.

"Someone got past the Justice League and stole the wedding rings!" Flash said, bewildered, finding it hard to talk as his face was against the wall. "Am I the only one who thinks this wedding was just not meant to be?"

Nobody said anything, except Bruce, who muttered, "If you try to run I'll break your arm."

"It would probably be hard when you have something stuck up your AOW!"

VERY wrong answer. Bruce twisted Flash's arm even more.

"Let me guess, you want me to find the rings?" Flash muttered, rolling his eyes.

"Since you decided last minute to back out on my wedding day, it's the least you can do!" Bruce barked into his ear.

"No, the least I can do is nothing at all!" Flash replied. "And I thought I made myself clear that I have no recollection of any wedding plans…" He grunted, looking from Clark to John to J'onn, as Bruce let go of him.

"Flash, I already told you that you're in denial," John murmured. "We don't know who stole the rings, so you have to help us find it."

"I know who stole the rings," Bruce cut in. "But we have to be at the church in half an hour. Since you have no desire to a part of this celebration, you can find the rings," he ordered the scarlet speedster.

"Hey, hold on a second. Why should I do it? You're Batman. You're supposed to be the smart, cool one. I'm the fast one."

"Exactly, dipwad," Clark said, folding his arms. "Since you have more speed than brains, we need you to take care of this. Bruce is getting married in half an hour. We need them now."

"But I—ok, fine…" Flash saw the look on Bruce's face. He was not about to disobey a guy who could probably bench press something twice the weight of Superman.

"So, who stole them?"

"Catwoman."

"Catwoman! You're joking, right…"

Bruce narrowed his eyes at Flash. Evidently, he was not joking. Batman never. EVER joked. Maybe that's why he and the Joker were arch-nemesis.

* * *

It only took Flash five whole minutes to zoom through all of Gotham's streets, but he was tipped off that Catwoman was in an abandoned banquet hall on the lower west-side of the city. Batman must have really frightened people, because as soon as Flash said he was affiliated with him, the guy gave him the information at once. 

Flash arrived at Mascotti Banquet Hall, looking for any evidence of cats, even a speckle of kitty-litter. He wondered if Catwoman did use kitty-litter. He shook the thought out of his head before he freaked himself out. As he did literally did that, a black-tights-clad woman landed in front of him with a bemused look on her face.

"You're not Batman."

"Thank gosh for that..."

"I knew he'd be too chicken to show up."

"Batman, the chicken? Are we talking about the same person?"

"He's chicken when it comes to women."

"Like I said before, are we talking about the same person?" Flash said, thinking about how many times he'd seen Bruce on the news for being Gotham's most popular playboy.

"Run along home now, kid. I have no time for this," Catwoman said, strutting away. Flash zoomed and appeared in front of her so suddenly that she bumped into his chest.

"I need those rings."

"Why, are you planning to get married?" Catwoman sneered, trying to hide her surprise at how fast Flash was as she backed away.

"If you weren't so hot, I'd have punched you by now," Flash said, approaching the retreating cat-burglar.

"Sorry, little boy, you're just not in my league. The rings are mine."

"Look, we can work something out. You give me the rings and I take you out sometime," Flash shrugged, almost hopefully.

"I have a better idea. How about I keep the rings and you keep your skinny little butt away from me?" Catwoman said, with sarcastic perkiness. Flash tried hard to hide his bruised ego, as she walked away smirking. Once again, he ran in front of her.

"Why did you take those rings in the first place?" Flash muttered, folding his arms.

"That's none of your business," Catwoman said, the smirk fading from her face, as she turned her back to him.

"Was it for the monetary worth?"

"I have enough money. The rings have more of a sentimental value that anything else, when it concerns Bruce. They belonged to his grandparents. And why would I break into his house just to steal some old rings?"

Catwoman knew that she had what she didn't want to divulge.

"Yes, why would you? You're jealous, aren't you?" Flash cooed. This time it was Catwoman who turned to face him.

"Jealous? HA! Yeah, I'm jealous that Bruce finally pulled out the stick that was wedged into his butt," she said, rolling her eyes.

"So you're still in love with him, huh?" Flash concluded, judging from Catwoman's shaky voice.

"I was never in love with that idiot," she muttered, angrily. "He was too busy running around in tights for me."

"But now that he has settled down—and not with you—you're angry. You didn't want the wedding to happen. So you stole the rings," Flash said, thoughtfully.

"I was going to kidnap him, but it was hard enough getting the rings from under his nose," Catwoman huffed in admittance.

"You know, for someone of your caliber, you act like no other man will be attracted to you. There's plenty of other eligible bachelors out there. If you like the kind who wear tights, I can help you out," Flash smirked, raising an eyebrow. Catwoman snorted, but she knew he was right.

"So, what, you're the Justice League's date service spokesman, or something?" she said.

"No, I'm too busy with the ladies to do something like that," Flash bragged, looking at his fingernails.

"Oh yeah, especially making lemonade for your granny," Catwoman chuckled.

"Heyyyy….you keep Granny Flash out of this."

* * *

Flash arrived at Wayne Manor clutching the two wedding bands. He would give them to Alfred. To his surprise, however, J'onn, John, and Clark were still there. 

"Um, aren't you guys going to be late? And you know how Bats feels about tardiness."

No one bothered to tell Flash to shut up. All three of them looked as though they had seen Doomsday, or something.

"What's wrong?" Flash said, holding up the rings, "I got them back!"

"He's gone," Clark muttered, ignoring him.

"Huh? Who?"

"Bruce."

"Gone? What do you mean, gone?"

"He took off. Told us he was going to use the bathroom; took about twenty minutes. When we broke open the door, the washroom was empty. The window was open; he ran away," John explained.

"Bruce ran away from his own wedding?" Flash said, in disbelief.

"And I can't seem to contact him or pinpoint his location. He must have some sort of stasis machine," J'onn mumbled.

"What do we do?" Clark asked. J'onn paused.

"We'll have to tell Diana the situation. The wedding's off. We have a runaway groom."

"No, it's not off. I'm going to find him," Flash said.

**To be continued**

**

* * *

**

A/n: I'm back from my vacation. I've learned some Italian words:

1) Permiso (means 'excuse me')  
2)Gelato (means 'ice-cream')  
3)Pollo (means 'chicken')

Unfortunately, I never got the chance to say, "Excuse me, I would like some chicken-flavoured ice-cream."

Review! (If you ever go to Italy, try the gelato! It's AMAZING...)

-me


	5. Quit Stalling!

Title: Fastest Man Alive - With a Limp

Author: girlinterrupted

Summary: It's Bruce and Diana's wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it's up to Flash to set everything right.

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Replies to the reviews: 

**SLytheringurl650**: Thanks for the review.

**Trepverter**: Hahahaha. I like that: elope with Catwoman. That's hilarious. Flash could marry WW, but who knows how long they'll be able to go before she kills him in annoyance. Clark belongs with Lois, so that knocks him out of the picture. How about J'onn? Think about it! lol. I'm glad you're enjoying this. Thanks for the review!

**Gotham's** **Princess**: Hey, good guess. You were very close to reading my thoughts! Of course Catwoman is jealous, who wouldn't be? Even I'M jealous of Wonder Woman, lol. Thanks for the review.

**balletangel19**: Me too, but none of them involve super heroes. Thanks for the review.

**doc**-**trigger**: Patience, patience! You'll find out soon enough! I'm so glad you're in anticipation. I agree, poor, poor Wally. He has to do all the dirty work...Next thing you know, he's cleaning toilets. Thanks for the review!

**Wolf**-**blades**-**wings**: I'm a big Batman fan too! (Hence why all my fics have him as a main character). I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the review.

**Icha**: (drooling) Ferrero-Rocher Gelato! I wish I tried that! Yumm...! I had a good flight, no turbulence; nothing. I'm sure you would've thought of your own ending if I hadn't made it back. Personally, I like Talia the best for Bruce, even though she ends up back stabbing him. Thanks for reviewing. I'm happy you find it funny.

* * *

- Chapter 5 -

Bruce is marrying Diana. Batman is marrying Wonder Woman. Black is marrying White. No matter how Flash had said it to himself, it sounded weird. The two hooking up was something he couldn't possibly have imagined. And he didn't want to imagine it. Maybe that's why he was against the whole idea. Two superheroes who worked together constantly couldn't –or shouldn't- commit to marriage. It would lead to chaos. But what Flash didn't understand is why he was out looking for the groom if he didn't want the wedding to happen. He didn't even understand why the groom suddenly decided to become AWOL just before facing the altar, if he had been planning for this wedding for a long time.

All these thoughts had run through Wally West's head as he tried to think of places Bruce Wayne could be.

"This day has been crazy!" John had exclaimed. "First, the rings are stolen, then Batman plays truant out of fear, and now Flash is actually thinking!"

Flash had tossed him a dirty look.

"Hey, I was the one to recover Diana's wedding dress, which was before the rings were stolen. And I think all the time. Right now, I'm thinking that you are a big pain in the butt," Flash had muttered.

"He's not in the bat-cave," Clark had said, emerging from the Wayne Manor den.

"We need to consider places that wouldn't be as obvious," J'onn spoke, trying not to make him feel stupid.

"You mean **I** need to consider," Flash had disagreed. "You all should be at the church now."

In fact, the limo had arrived, ready to transport the groomsmen. The three superheroes had walked out of the house.

"We'll try to delay as much as we can. First I have to think of a good explanation to tell Diana," John had said, more to himself than to Flash, as they left.

Flash realized he didn't have much time. He zoomed back into the den and tried to look for clues as to where Bruce was. There was a slip of paper on his desk that he guessed was the actual wedding invitation. He looked through it, wondering why on Earth Bruce would write the invitation in what looked like Kryptonian. Therefore, it didn't help him.

Flash continued to scan the room and his eyes fell on the old grandfather clock which he knew was the entrance to the Batcave. The time was now 9:45. Both hands of the clock pointed in the same direction: a portrait directly besides it. Flash went over to the picture and examined it. A tall, handsome man stood with his arm around a pretty woman. The mouth and jaw-line of the man was familiar, as was the eyes and nose of the lady.

Flash realized that they were Bruce's parents. Their deaths were the reason why Batman was who he was. Flash suddenly had an epiphany; maybe Bruce was at the scene of their murders or at their graves, a place where he would be able to go to think. He swiftly opened the desk drawers and found what he was looking for: a newspaper clipping.

'_Wayne Double Homicide Leaves Son Orphaned'_

Flash quickly scanned the article. The murders took place at the corner of Park Avenue and Sheppard. Without a moment to lose, he zoomed away.

* * *

The street was pretty deserted for that time in the morning. Flash arrived there and saw Bruce sitting on the curb, his hand under his chin, staring at the ground. He looked like a lost, overgrown child. 

"Where's a camera when you need one?" Flash murmured. Somehow, although Wally had spoken softly, Bruce's head turned towards his direction, swiftly, as though he had been smacked in the face.

"How did you—?"

"I may not be the world's greatest detective, but I have to say, it wasn't difficult," said Flash, answering Bruce's incomplete question as to how he found him. Wally took a seat next to the billionaire. There was a moment of silence.

"You're a hypocrite, you know that?" Flash put forth, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?" Bruce said, dryly.

"I heard you telling Robin once that he shouldn't let fights get personal; yet, every fight, for you, is personal," Flash stated, looking at him. Bruce didn't reply. He was still staring at the ground.

"You also called me juvenile and immature when you yourself just ran away from your own fear," Wally said, looking away. "Oh, and thirdly, you told me I need to think before I act, otherwise people could end up hurt. I wonder what Diana will think when John tells her—"

"Alright, alright, I get it," Bruce scowled.

"Don't think I'm trying to convince you to get married to her," Flash continued, beginning to enjoy himself. "I don't agree with this wedding, anyhow. I mean, it's not Diana's fault you're completely hollow. Or is it shallow…no, no; the word is hollow. Like a log; A hollow, rotting log."

"Your use of imagery is lacking."

"Fine, I'll put it bluntly: One day you'll realize that you're not as good a Batman as you are now. Eventually, you'll get old. You'll get lonely. And the only one to blame for that is yourself."

"I'm already lonely. And I already place the blame on myself."

"I can see it now. Bruce Wayne, the lonely fogy who's batting at Joker with his cane. We can make a song: '_Old Man Wayne, Old Man Wayne, tries to hit the Joker with his walking cane_,'" Flash sing-songed.

"And how does marrying Diana change the lyrics to that song?" Bruce snarled, clearly aggravated beyond belief.

"Because then it will go: '_Old Man Wayne, and his wife, try to hit the Joker with their walking canes._'" Flash sang, grinning. He could tell Bruce was attempting very hard not to punch him out, which was quite entertaining.

"You know, I'm trying to figure out how Diana could ever fall in love with you," Flash wondered, looking at the billionaire. "I mean, you dress up like a rodent, for goodness' sake."

"Wally, is there really a point of you being here?" Bruce submitted, finally looking at the speedster.

"Nope, no point, really; You have absolutely no idea what I had to go through today. It's only ten to in the a.m., and I've pretty much gone on three missions," Flash said, counting. "First, Mr. Hell Dweller steals Diana's wedding dress because he wants to be the flower girl. Then, Catwoman steals the rings because she's jealous and wants to marry you. Now, I've been sent here trying to convince you to marry Diana. And I had to go through all this crap when no one told me about any wedding.

"My heart bleeds for you," Bruce said.

"Thank you, that's very nice of you to say."

"I was being sarcastic."

"So was I," Flash replied.

"Look," Bruce huffed, angrily. "I came here to think. I wanted to think about my life—"

"—or lack thereof—"

"—before I get permanently hitched," Bruce continued, ignoring him.

"Bruce, I'd understand your actions if you were marrying Bizarro, but you're marrying Diana! If you're worried about her and your crime-fighting career, remember that she is a superhero, too. You went out on all those missions with Robin, didn't you? You and Diana can pair up and take down Gotham's worst," Flash said, trying to fill his voice with admiration. "Plus, it's not like she looks like Granny Goodness."

"I love her! I don't care how she looks!" Bruce said, reaching his limits and jumping up.

"You don't love her; if you did, you wouldn't be having second thoughts," Flash concluded, smugly. The billionaire was silent for a moment.

"I cannot believe they sent you of all people to bring me back," Bruce replied.

"Well, did I convince you?"

"I'm not admitting anything."

"I'll take that as a 'yes'."

"You did it pretty fast."

"Fastest man alive," Flash said, looking at his fingernails in conceit.

"Good, you can shine my shoes. Make it snappy, I'm late for my wedding."

* * *

"Do you, Bruce Thomas Wayne, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to serve, in sickness and in health, and in good times and in bad, as long as you both shall live?" 

"I do."

"Are you sure?" Flash said aloud.

The male members of the league chuckled. Diana looked puzzled.

"And do you, Diana of Themyscara, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to love and to serve, in sickness and in health, and in good times and in bad, as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

But her reply was drowned out by a loud, whistling noise. Flash turned in the direction of the ruckus and saw a white cloud appear before him. The Martian Manhunter stepped out of it. Flash was really confused. Beside him stood J'onn J'onzz in a tux, and in front of him, the same Martian was there in his superhero clothes.

Flash then looked around and realized that the wedding ceremony was continuing. Bruce was now sliding the ring onto Diana's finger. No one except him noticed the bright, white cloud that had emerged out of no where.

"Flash!" Superhero J'onn yelled. "Give me your hand!"

The speedster reached out to him, and everything went black.

**To be continued**  
**DON'T MISS THE FINALE! Batman admits all!**

**

* * *

**

a/n: (sweating)  
I know what you're thinking. Batman admits...ALL! What do I mean by that? Well, I can't tell you just yet.  
Oh, and I'm sorry for taking forever to update. I have so many...commitments. Advice: Never make commitments.  
And you know what's totally unjust? I haven't seen the episodes of season five yet! (I don't get CN...WAHH)

Review.


	6. Loosening of butt wedges

Title: Fastest Man Alive - With a Limp

Author: girlinterrupted

Summary: It's Bruce and Diana's wedding day. Unfortunately, things start screwing up, and it's up to Flash to set everything right.

Whoops, I forgot to add a disclaimer.  
I don't own Justice League...sniffle

* * *

A/n: I cannot believe I got so many reviews! Thank you soooo much everybody.

* * *

**SLytheringurl650**: Thanks for the review! 

**Trepverter**: Heh heh, I'm glad you're in anticipation. Thanks for the review!

**Gotham's** **Princess**: Let's see if your guess is right. Thanks for the review!

**sokerfreek922**: You're confused? Well, I hope this ends your confusion. Thanks for reviewing.

**ArcadiaX091**: I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm glad I was able to switch your emotions like that. Thanks for the review.

**Wolf-blades-wings**: Thank you so much. And thank you for the review!

**Her Royal Hipness**: Your summary is better than mine. I should switch it. I'm glad you found it funny! Yes, Superman is dreadfully cruel in my fic, much unlike his real character. Thanks for the review!

**Skite** (2): I love your theories, and you'll finally find out which one(s) is/are correct, if any. I'm so glad you're enjoy this. I hope you're satisfied with the ending. Thanks for the review.

**DianaRulz**: LOL. I tried to write a song, but it didn't get past that first line. Thank goodness that Flash (in the show) isn't creative, so that I really wouldn't have to work hard and create a song. Thanks for the review.

**Angel del Silencio**: Thanks! Thank you for the review.

**Icha**: NO! Not the gelato! PLEASE! Ok, I'm SORRY! Hehehe. I'm happy yoou like it. Thanks so much for the review! (I'm a girl, by the way...I'm a tomboy, though...)

**CatGirl R and S Fan**: Teen Titans? If you're talking about the comic book Teen Titans, then sure. If you're talking about the tv Teen Titans, then definitely not! (Sorry, I just can't stand what they did to the characters). Thank you for the review.

* * *

-Chapter 6 -

His eyes opened. He was staring at a white ceiling.

Flash was confused for a moment. From the taste inside his mouth, it was as if he had gone to sleep without brushing his teeth. He looked around and realized that he was in the medical bay of the Watch Tower. He did not know how he got there, why he was lying on a bed, why he was hooked up to numerous monitors, and why Batman and Wonder Woman were looking at him from the foot of his bed.

"Why."

"Because you don't listen to our warnings."

Batman had spoken like his usual self. Diana was besides him, smiling at Flash.

"What happened?"

"John Dee happened."

"John Dee? So it was all a dream?"

"Yes."

"I can't believe it," Flash said, bewildered. "All that trouble for nothing. Well, thank goodness that you—"

Flash immediately stopped talking.

"What did you dream about, Flash?" Wonder Woman asked him. The scarlet hero paused for a moment.

"That…a giant spider attacked Earth," Flash said, lying through his teeth. Batman and Wonder Woman looked at each other.

"You really expect to fool me with that answer?" Batman growled.

"Trust me, you're better off not knowing the truth," Flash said, sitting up. Wonder Woman handed him a plate piled with chicken, vegetables, and sandwiches. The food-crazy speedster immediately began wolfing down the food and was finished a few seconds later.

"Dee-lish. Only next time, no veggies."

"They're good for you," both Batman and Wonder Woman scolded, simultaneously.

"Good for you, not for me. I'm a carnivore."

"Well, at least there's nothing wrong with him," Wonder Woman said to the Dark Knight.

"How long was I out for?" Flash asked them.

"A month," Batman said, casually.

"WHAT!" Flash exclaimed, shocked.

"J'onn pulled you out of the dream about 25 days ago," Wonder Woman explained.

"I was sleeping for that long?" Flash was bewildered. "How did you feed me?"

"You don't want to know," Wonder Woman said, wiping her brow.

"You'd better start talking, Wally," Batman said, threateningly.

"Ok, ok. The dream was quite…odd. I was enjoying the feast of a lifetime, when suddenly these uber-hot Spanish supermodels—"

"FLASH!"

"Alright! Geez, at least give me some credit for creativity! If you must know, you two were getting married to each other!" Flash huffed, lying back down. Neither Batman nor Wonder Woman spoke at that point.

Flash craned his neck to look at them. Batman looked like his usual self, except his jaw was extremely clenched to the point where he might have broken his teeth. Diana suddenly found interest in the white floor tiles.

"I told you you'd be better off not knowing," Flash said, sitting up again.

Finally, Wonder Woman looked up and into his face.

"There's something we should tell you, Wally," she said, nudging Batman, who immediately stopped his excessive jaw clasp.

"Bruce and I…"

Now this time, it was Batman who found interest in the floor tiles. Flash was confused.

"Continue…" he said to Wonder Woman.

"We've been married for three weeks."

Flash's jaw hit the floor.

"OH. MY……….asofihoasihtknaosihfohsao!"

That was the sound Flash made when he was shocked and frustrated.

Then, there was a deadly silence. The only sound heard was the heart monitor, which had suddenly increased the rates of _beep-beep_s. Flash felt the blood rush to his head, as though he was about to faint. His hunger pangs were forgotten. He dared to look at Batman.

The Dark Knight had his hands over his mouth, and his eyes were squint. Wonder Woman's lips were pursed.

Then Flash realized why they looked like that.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO! GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK!"

Both Batman and Wonder Woman were trying to hold in their laughter, but they failed. While Flash sat there, panting, as though he had just run a marathon, the two other heroes laughed so hard they were afraid their lungs would burst. Wonder Woman even had tears in her eyes. Batman came over to the bed to lean on it, because he couldn't support himself and laugh so hard at the same time.

Flash had his fists clenched, and he felt embarrassed at his gullibility.

"You…you should have…seen your face…Wally…" Batman managed to gasp, between fits of hilarity. Flash just glared at him. At the moment, Superman entered the medical bay. He was about to greet Flash when he saw how hard Batman was laughing. He turned around and walked back out, pretending he hadn't seen anything.

**The end.**

* * *

A/n: All I have to say is I'm sorry. If you didn't like the ending, I'm sorry. 

However, if you did like it, then YAY!

I'll be back shortly with a new Justice League fic! I don't know how long "shortly" is though, unfortunately, but believe me, it'll be a good story.  
Thanks again for reading and reviewing my story!

.Hasta la vista.


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